Book 4 Chapter 5
Episode 79
Lillian Karain opened her eyes. Along with the stinging alcohol smell of disinfectant, a ceiling made of finely layered wood filled her vision.
‘My head……’
Her head was still ringing. The shock from the magic had been nullified, but the impact from the reverberation of being bounced seemed to remain.
‘At that time, why did I then……’
It was then that she sensed a presence, accompanied by a languid yawn.
“Are you awake now? If you'd been 5 minutes later, I was just going to leave.”
In an instant, her body tensed in alarm, and magic surged and activated around her. Lillian's eyes narrowed.
“Who are you?”
In the darkness, she saw black hair shimmering like silk. Through it, she also saw red eyes, symbolizing his clan, emitting a faint light.
Ludwig, Rain Ludwig.
The very person who had left Lillian in such a mess was stretching and getting up from the hospital bed opposite her. He looked like he had just woken up.
“Looking at your condition, you seem fine. Still fierce and spirited, I see.”
“What are you trying to do now?”
“I just came to check on you at someone's request, but it seems my worries were unfounded. Don't mind me. I'm leaving.”
Watching his irresponsibly naive voice and languid gestures that made her fists tremble, a hot indignation surged within her.
“If you came to mock me, don't hold back, just laugh as much as you want!”
Therefore, the moment Rain placed his hand on the infirmary door, she burst out in exasperation. Rain's hand stopped abruptly.
“Happy? Amused? Look at me. I've been completely broken since I heard those words from you back then. Didn't you come to see this?”
“?”
“I've lived with the sole purpose of avenging myself against that bastard Dadan… but now I don't know what to do anymore…”
As she poured out the pent-up emotions hidden deep in her heart, perhaps because of that, tears she hadn't shed even once since she was five years old flowed out with them.
Rain had asked. If she respected her father. Or if not, then why was she following the exact path her father had lived.
It was an unrefutable point. So, the moment she heard those words, she felt her mind go blank and freeze.
‘I hated my father so much, but was I actually becoming like him?’
Then what kind of fruit could she possibly bear at the end of that path? Wouldn't it just be becoming a second Dadan?
“Oh, for crying out loud……”
Watching Lillian wipe away her unending tears, Rain sighed, as if at a loss.
‘I'm not good at this kind of thing.’
If it were Listana Friede, she would surely approach first, offer words of comfort and encouragement, and boost confidence, but the problem was that he wasn't that kind of person.
He didn't know how to offer such comfort.
He couldn't give such encouragement.
However, if there was anything he could give, it might be the experience he gained from living one more life than these juniors.
“Humans can't choose their past, so that's naturally unavoidable. How you're born, what kind of family you choose… everything follows what's called fate.”
“But—!”
“But you know what, the future isn't.”
The future… at that empty rhetoric, something unbearably heavy surged within Lillian's chest, pressing against her breath.
“Stop talking nonsense! Future? Paint the future you want? Do you, who were born into a harmonious family, even know my circumstances?”
“……”
“I also wanted to live that way originally… I wanted to live a normal, simple life, envisioning my future! Do you think I wanted to live like this?”
Her hand, unconsciously clutching at her heart, trembled. The resonance of sadness accumulated over more than ten years was clearly felt.
“But the blood I was born with… the fate of this cursed head will never let me go… I can never escape it before I tie the knot… though you wouldn't know…”
Why? It was the first time she had complained about her fate to anyone. Why had she spoken?
Her life was one where she shouldn't seek sympathy from anyone. Her life was like a ritual, predetermined for a lifetime of atonement and revenge.
But, but why, why had she said such things? What answer was she hoping for, what situation was she expecting… Then, an unexpected voice was heard.
“I know very well. I was similar to you.”
What would the eldest son of a prominent family from one of the empire's leading aristocratic houses, born into a wealthy family, know? She raised her head to retort. She lifted her gaze to object.
But, yet.
The moment their eyes met in the air, she was struck dumb, as if hit by something.
“Perhaps even more miserable.”
Why on earth?
How on earth?
Was it because, in the eyes of the boy who gave a bitter smile as he looked at her, there was a wavering sadness whose depths she couldn't possibly fathom?
“So what if it's only a painful past? It just means there's a lot you can fill with a joyful future.”
She doubted her eyes. Besides her mother, no one had ever looked at her this way.
It was a look that understood her. A voice that knew all her pain. A warmth that only a human with a heart could show.
Because of that, she didn't want to accept it. That gaze, that voice…
“When things are too hard and painful, don't just look forward; try looking sideways or backward for once. My advice for a junior ends here.”
She couldn't ask the meaning of that smile, nor the meaning of the word 'junior'. Because at that very moment, the door burst open and a crowd of five or six people poured in.
“Lillian!”
“Sister Lillian!”
Robes with a dragon embroidered in red thread on a pure white background… They were fellow students from the Rivendell School. All were young and junior mages.
“We were late because we had to get permission from the Dean.”
“That bald guy wouldn't even let us visit the infirmary…!”
The Rivendell students looked at Rain with curious eyes, but soon offered a slight bow as a courtesy, then turned back to Lillian.
“Why are you all here…?”
Lillian asked, bewildered. She had always maintained a cold expression, but perhaps due to her conversation with Rain, she couldn't suppress her emotions.
“What do you mean 'why'? Of course we came because we were worried, you annoying brat.”
“You intentionally withdrew your magic so as not to bring shame upon the Warden family, right? We all know! If you had just used your power properly, a golem like that would have been nothing but a one-shot!”
Since childhood, Lillian had lived by minimizing interaction with others, forming no relationships.
However, it wasn't that she completely ignored them; she would simply answer when fellow students from her school asked about magic.
Thus, she hadn't made enemies with anyone, but she also thought she wasn't close to anyone… just as Lyn had been in the distant past.
“No, I don't understand. I don't know why you came to find me, nor why you're making such a fuss.”
The students blinked and exchanged glances, then a cheerful-looking kid exclaimed as if even more dumbfounded.
“Sister is our idol, you know? So why wouldn't this reaction be natural?”
“Why me?”
“You're cool, awesome, and capable! You're the pride of our school! When we face those guys from other schools, just mentioning your name makes them tremble!”
Then, the young man who appeared to be the eldest lightly smacked the boy's head as if he couldn't be helped, and the students burst into laughter.
“When you're showing off your power, use your own abilities, why are you selling out Lillian, you rascal?”
And the young man gave a bitter smile and looked back at Lillian. Then he said quietly.
“Though we can't speak up because we're mindful of the Dean and the elders, there are an enormous number of people in the school who look up to you, Lillian.”
“?”
“Most know how you've grown… At first, it might have been sympathy, but now, it's mostly respect.”
Was this deception? Was it a trap that bastard Dadan made to test her?
No, to say so…
These kids weren't particularly skilled at acting, and from every single expression they showed…
“So don't be too impatient. Most of the school is just waiting for the day you return.”
Quietly slipping away, leaning against the door outside and subtly eavesdropping on the conversation, Rain felt a chill that shook his mind at that moment.
- Lyn, we'll all be waiting for the day you return…
Because the voice of his great senior, who had made the magic tower a sea of tears on the day he left on his journey, came to mind. Along with a pain that pierced his lungs.
‘See, she's similar to me after all…’
If he had known the schoolmates would come like that, he wouldn't have given such an embarrassing long speech, he had done something useless because of Logan.
“That's right! As long as you don't get impatient, the top rank is nothing for you, Sister!”
He didn't need to tell her directly.
To not just look forward, but to also look around carefully… She's a capable person, so maybe she'll understand right away. It's tough if you realize it too late like me.
Rain quietly moved his steps into the darkness of the hallway, as if to hide his sorrowful smile.
Socrafres.
- You can inherit the progress of 'unique magic' research from the surrounding environment.
- Progress 48.1% -> 49.2%.
Within these footsteps, without even realizing it, he was getting one step closer to the truth.
* * *
“…Mother?”
Lillian, in the midst of the students' commotion, carefully voiced her question. The elder young man replied.
“She's getting healthier. Since you're not there, the Dean isn't really bothering her. Should I say he has no interest at all?”
For Dadan, the girl's mother was merely a tool for childbirth and education. Thus, she was always treated like a tool, not a person.
“Really? That's a relief…”
Although she breathed a sigh of relief, she couldn't entirely relax. She had been stripped of the top rank twice, so there was no telling what that madman would do next.
“Oh, and your mother asked me to tell you something in secret, without the Dean knowing.”
“Mother did?”
“She said not to worry about her, and that she hoped you'd make many good friends and have a happy school life.”
In heart-trembling bewilderment, she mulled over her mother's message conveyed by the young man.
‘Friends? Happiness? In my life?’
As she was perplexed by the string of words she had never even dreamed of, the young man smiled gently and lightly patted Lillian's shoulder.
“We should go now before it gets too late and we get scolded. See you tomorrow, Lillian.”
After everyone had left the infirmary, Lillian sat alone for a long time.
Outside the window, four moons seemed to sing together, casting dazzling beams of light that painted the world silver.
How long had she been there? After almost ten years, a handful of empty laughter formed on the girl's lips.
‘This is absurd…’
If someone else had told her the same story, she would have ignored it. Not just ignored, but wouldn't have even listened.
‘But why…’
Rain's story lacked rationality because its logical framework didn't fit.
Nevertheless, still.
The story Rain had told her had an inexplicable persuasiveness, as if it struck a hidden chord deep in her heart.
- Don't just look forward, but also look sideways or backward for once.
- There are an enormous number of people who look up to you.
- So what if it was only a painful past? You can just fill more of it with a joyful future.
Somewhere deep within her soul, a lump of emotions seemed to melt away. The fog that had consumed her mind lifted, and her surroundings seemed to clear.
‘I thought I had to subdue everyone with force… but there was another path?’